When the driver pulled back up to the front door of the manor and dropped them off, Jackson said that he was going to go back to the bunkie and lie down. When he made the statement that his arm was hurting and he was going to take a painkiller and lie down, Eleanor was a little shocked. He was never one to admit that he was in pain.
Eleanor was actually eager to have a few moments to think. She followed Jackson to their bunkie, where he unlocked the door and let them inside. Once again, the housekeeping staff had come in and cleaned while they were out.
Jackson took two of the painkillers in the bathroom and crawled onto the bed. He stretched out on top of the pristine white bedspread, propped up against about a hundred white pillows.
“Is your arm really bothering you that much?” Eleanor worried.
Jackson nodded. “Not sure why, it should hurt less by now. But it’s pretty sore today.” He admitted.
Eleanor frowned. “Maybe you should see a doctor. I can ask to get the driver to take us to the nearest hospital or walk in clinic… maybe a doctor can prescribe you something stronger.”
Jackson shook her head. “We don’t have the money for that, Ellie.”
“Your plan at work covers most of it, Jacks. Don’t worry about money. I’m worried about you.” She pressed.
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine. I’ll sleep it off, and feel better in an hour or so.” He insisted.
Eleanor sighed, and eased herself down on the chair by the fireplace.
“Did you have time to talk to Lilith today? Did you get any more answers out of her?” Jackson asked.
“We talked quite a bit, but I don’t know if I got the answers I was looking for.” Eleanor sighed. “I still don’t know what to do. I don’t have any idea what makes sense anymore.”
Jackson nodded. “I’m sure that you’ll make the right decision, whatever that decision may be.”
Eleanor sighed again. “She says she asked me because how close we were when we were teens. She said I was the only real friend she ever had and she thinks I’ll be able to continue on with her legacy… and I… I’m just not sure.”
Eleanor sighed and stood up from the chair. She crossed the bedroom and carefully climbed onto the bed, sitting next to her husband.
It had been a long time since she had seen him so tired, and she imagined that his arm was hurting much more than he was letting on.
“What do you think I should do?” Eleanor asked him.
“You know what I think you should do.” Jackson answered. “I think you should do it. This is an amazing opportunity for you… for the both of us. I could live here, this place is amazing. It’s that log cabin in the woods that I’ve always wanted, except… you know, huge.” He chuckled.
“But if we live here, we’re so far away from our families…” Eleanor mused. “Holidays would be a nightmare.”
“We would have the money to fly them out here, and fourteen bedrooms to put them in. We can give them the house, and we sleep out here and lock the door.” He grinned. “Or we fly to see them. Or we can split the difference, and go someplace warm and not have to see either of our families.”
Eleanor laughed. “Something tells me that you would enjoy that far too much.”
Jackson shrugged his strange one-armed shrug.
“Are you just thinking about the money aspect?” Eleanor asked, feeling a slight suspicion.
“Not at all. Though admittedly, it is a large part of it. I think it would be great for your writing career, honestly. It’s like you would be walking into the role of best-selling author.” He answered.
“That’s kind of the problem too.” Eleanor sighed. “They’re awfully big shoes to fill. And I don’t know why she’s picking me to fill them.”
“Because she knew your writing when you were teenagers. And you were friends.” Jackson answered. “What’s wrong with that?”
Eleanor sighed again. “Because I feel like she’s picking me based on my writing style when I was fifteen, and based on who I was back then. I’m not the same person anymore, and neither is she.”
“So take the days we have left here and get to know her.” Jackson suggested.
Eleanor pursed her lips. She was trying to hold back the floodgate of other things that were bothering her.
Jackson knew it immediately.
“That’s not the only thing bothering you, is it?” He asked with a crooked smile.
Eleanor sighed. “What if she’s not of right mind? I mean, she does have a brain tumor, right? What if she’s not thinking clearly and asking me to fill her place is the wrong thing to do?” She whispered.
“She seems lucid enough. Believe me; I have enough experience with crazy people, and people on drugs and in all kinds of situations. She seems perfectly fine to me.”
“And you would be okay with packing up everything and moving all the way out here just to see if I can make a go of it as a novel writer?”
“Yes. Absolutely.” Jackson said. “I think it’s a great opportunity for you, and I think you’re a great writer. One of the best writers I know.” He said with a grin.
Eleanor rolled her eyes. “And you know so many writers, right?”
“I might.” He smirked.
“I could work for the force here; maybe take a nice cushy desk job. Maybe I could upgrade and be a detective or something.” He chuckled. “The possibilities are endless.”
Eleanor sighed and dropped her head into her hands.
“What is holding you back? Fear of failure?” He asked, straight and to the point as always.
Eleanor nodded. “Yes. Fear of colossal and utter failure. I don’t want to be the person who was handed this incredible opportunity, only to fuck it up.”
Jackson chuckled. “You won’t. And even if you do, we’ll figure something out.”
“That’s not very reassuring.” Eleanor sighed.
“Okay, well here’s a thought.” He suggested. “You have your laptop, right?”
Eleanor nodded slowly, waiting to see where he was going to go with this.
“So print of the first few chapters of the book that you’ve been working on. Take it to Lilith and see what she thinks of it. See if she likes it. And if that doesn’t convince you, ask her to take it to her publisher to see what they think. That should give you a pretty good indication, right?”
Eleanor nodded slowly. “That’s… that’s actually a good idea if Lilith is willing to go along with it.”
“You can’t know until you try.” Jackson said.
For the first time, Eleanor noticed that Jackson’s eyelids had drooped, and he looked tired. He looked about to fall asleep at any moment.
Eleanor smiled lightly at him. “You should rest. I’m going to go outside and have a cup of tea. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
Jackson nodded, closing his eyes at last. Within a second or two he was snoring softly.
Eleanor carefully climbed off the bed, though she knew that even if she jumped on the bed it wouldn’t wake him. She walked into the small kitchenette and switched on the kettle. She opened one of the cupboards and removed the glass jar of teabags. While she waited for the kettle to boil, she rummaged through the other cupboards.
Though she knew that she had made tea the night before, there wasn’t a dirty mug anywhere in sight. When she checked the cupboard for a clean mug, there was a full set of six perfectly pristine white mugs inside.
Staying in this Bunkie was even better than staying in a hotel. It was like staying in an all-inclusive resort.
Eleanor opened the wine fridge under the counter and surveyed the bottles of wine inside. She debated on having a glass out on the balcony, but decided against it. It was too early in the afternoon to start drinking, and after the hang-over she had experienced that morning; she wasn’t sure she wanted to ever drink again.
The kettle boiled and Eleanor made herself a mug of tea.
She carried the mug through the large glass door and out onto the balcony. A small bistro set and some Adirondack chairs were sitting on the balcony, expertly angled to take in the breathtaking view of the lake and the mountain beyond. From here, Eleanor couldn’t see the main house, and by all appearances it was like they were alone on a private spot overlooking the scenery. Trees lined either side of the Bunkie and traveled down the embankment to the water. The trees below were expertly trimmed to provide an unobstructed view. Eleanor could see the dark granite rocks that dipped into the water below. In the sparkling fall sunlight, the water looked almost impossibly blue.
Eleanor eased herself into one of the Adirondack chairs and sat back. The chair was large and surprisingly comfortable for a wooden chair. She propped her feet up on the glass railing of the balcony and sat back with a sigh.
It really was a beautiful day. It was a little cool, much too cool for t-shirt weather, but with a sweater on; Eleanor felt comfortable. The sun was shining and the sky was a bright blue and dotted with fluffy white clouds. The trees swayed lightly in the soft breeze, but where Eleanor sat she was sheltered from any breeze or wind.
She held her mug in both hands, and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to clear her head.
Was she crazy for not jumping on this opportunity as it was presented to her?
She knew that this was something that she could get used to. She could get used to not having to worry about money, or carefully planning when their bills were going to be taken out of their bank account. She liked the idea of Jackson returning to work; but a less dangerous job. And she liked the freedom of being able to write wherever and whenever she felt like it.
But above all, and as Jackson had mentioned before; this financial freedom gave them the opportunity to have children.
It was something they both wanted; something they were both desperate for. They had talked about it a lot, but had waited until Jackson’s job was more secure, and he passed the last rounds of his police foundations courses which would enable him to qualify for a promotion. He was comfortable in his job, and had some seniority.
They had just started seriously talking about getting a bigger condo and thinking seriously of having children when he was shot. It had been a devastating moment for the both of them.
Eleanor wanted children more than anything else in the world. So did Jackson. And neither of them were getting any younger.
She sighed heavily, and tried to clear her mind. If she kept thinking about having children, she was going to get emotional. And she couldn’t make this decision with her emotions. She had to remain clear and level headed. She had to make this decision in her right mind. She had to think logically.